The Cowboys, overweight and over the hill, are the worst football team in South London, lurching from one defeat to another. Team captain Dave sees the chance of lucrative sponsorship when his daughter Jodie gets a high-flying job with an American company but this is dependent on a good performance from the team. Dave’s sensible friend Larry meanwhile secures sponsorship from The Taj, the worst Indian restaurant in town, in exchange for the team working waiter shifts there. However restaurant owner Ajay has been using the team in the hope that they will scare off a local protection mob led by psychotic gangster American Bob. As Jodie falls for Ajay's handsome son Ramesh, Bob's hoodlums try to frighten away the lads by making them strip nude and using their own clothes to burn down their changing hut. But when news reaches the team that the hoods intend to set fire to the restaurant with Ajay and his wife inside, they rise to the occasion, proving that they are truly the Magnificent Eleven!